Tom’s story

After staying with family following the collapse of his marriage, Tom ultimately found himself sleeping rough at Coate Water. Threshold was able to provide the stability of a supportive household where we are working with Tom to help him rebuild his life.

How I became homeless

I was married and happy for ten years, with four children, and then our relationship just got a bit toxic and crazy. There was nothing worse than hearing the kids crying, "Mummy and Daddy are arguing again".

My Mum lives abroad, so I went and spent a few weeks with her to take myself out of the situation. I thought a break might have done some good. But when I came back it was worse, just arguing, arguing, so I packed my bags and walked away. I was heartbroken.

I stayed at my Mum’s place in Swindon, quit work, and stupidly started drinking as a coping mechanism. My whole life felt like it had just crashed. I moved to my sister's, but I just felt a burden, so I left there too. I hit the self-destruct switch. I was happy to just disappear.

I was homeless, sleeping at Coate Water. It was horrible. I used to walk to the hospital to charge my phone. Sleeping in the disabled toilets or wherever I could find.

A lot of people were worried about me – my Mum, my Dad, my sisters. I thought they were just ringing to have a go, whinge at me, tell me that I'm an idiot and I need to sort my life out. I didn't want to hear that.

My sister found out I was sleeping rough and contacted the council and then I got a phone call from Threshold, who said they might have something for me.

My Threshold home

I'm just so appreciative of the fact that I've got a roof over my head. It's a really nice house to live in, good standards, and I get on really well with the other people in the house. Everyone looks after each other. I helped another resident to move house. I don't offer just to help people for anything in return. If I was in that boat, I'd want someone to help me out. We had a barbecue the other night, all sat around together. One of the housemates knocked on my door when I was in bed with some leftover barbecue food. Little things like that. I say to all the boys, if there's food in my cupboard, just help yourself. They're good as gold. If I put some washing on, I'll come down later and someone will have hung it all up before they put theirs in. Everyone mops the floor when they get out of the shower. When I come down in the morning, all the blinds are shut, it's clean and tidy, everything has been put away.

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Support from my family

When I came to Threshold, I was at my lowest. I was only seeing my kids with my mum, I’d take them to the children's room or take them out and do stuff. I haven't got a vehicle, so my Mum, Dad and sisters helped me see the kids.

I never drink around the kids. I could be with them for the whole weekend and not have a drop. When I'm with my kids, I'm smiling, I'm happy. We go swimming, we have a laugh, If we go for a meal, I'll have like a Diet Coke with my pizza.

I’ve got a really close family, there's loads of us. My brother's got three kids, my sister's got four, my other sister's got three and I've got four. Every weekend we were having barbecues, going to the park, we're really, really close. My sister Holly’s always asking if I’m coming to dinner. All this love and family support which helps me massively. But then when you go home and you can see what everyone else has got, it just sometimes makes you feel shit. As much as I love seeing the girls, when I let them go, just saying goodbye.

My relationship with alcohol

It’s when I’m on my own. There's nothing else to do. Even if there's a football match or something, you’re sat there watching it on your own. You just drink to forget. You drink, fall asleep, wake up, drink more, sit there, watch TV, pass out, go to bed. You wouldn’t do that if you were with someone. Sharing things is important. You could be laid on the nicest beach in the world on your own. Or you could be with someone that you love, your children are around, and all of a sudden, how much nicer is that? The kids are running around in the sunshine by the sea, making sandcastles. But when you're on your own, you it's almost like you've got nothing to lose.

I don’t drink strong stuff, just lager or cider, but I’ve been drinking a long time. I had an ultrasound scan on my abdomen and liver. He said he could see a few things on the scan that were concerning - a fatty liver and something down by my intestine. If I stopped drinking, my liver would repair itself, but I can’t just go completely cold turkey because I'd end up having a seizure. It’s horrible. My liver function is supposed to be between 0 and 45, but mine was 307.

I would like to be able to have just one drink. But one's too many and ten's not enough. Some people could meet after work on a Friday, have a glass of wine, go home, and that's it then. I can't do that. If I have one, I want another one, and then I want another one. It's the worst habit in the world, because alcohol is so easily available, everywhere, it's always in your face. It's ruined my life, it really has, because I wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn’t for alcohol. If someone could just literally flick a switch and say you'll never crave a drink again, I would literally bite their hand off.

Trying to speak to your family is hard. It's easier to speak to someone in AA because they understand. If I said to my dad, “I wake up sometimes and I want to drink”, he’d say I was off my head. But if I said it to complete strangers at AA, they'd all understand it. They don't think I'm not a bad person, I'm an ill person trying to get better. A lot of people don't understand, they think you just want to get drunk. The nice thing about AA is that everyone's in the same boat and you can be honest with them. You've got to be true. But you’ve got to really, really want to stop. The only way I could get out of my mindset is probably through a detox or like a rehab. But that's not the route for AA as it’s entirely voluntary and they have no funding.

I've tried to get help, but nothing's worked. I’ve done CGL but the problem is, it's a meeting point for addicts. As soon as the group finishes, everyone's going for a pint.

But anything that is out there to help people is good, if people want help. Threshold gives people options for help, and even if you ask ten people and only two accept it, that's still two people that you have helped. My Threshold keyworker, Steve, and his manager Helen, supported me massively. Steve knows everything, and he always checks in.

I’m trying to get back to work as I'd rather be paying my rent than getting housing benefit. But I dropped a big pipe, 82 kilo pipe on my hand and I've got a load of broken bones, pins and needles shooting up my arm, and it's really weak. I can’t have surgery because I did it at work and didn’t have the right insurance, so that prevents me going back - because all I've ever done is brick laying and groundworks. Steve took me to Universal Credit meetings and explained everything.

My attack

Walking home from the shop on my own on night in August, a group of kids on with balaclavas on attacked me with a knife and knuckle duster. I was hit around the back of the head and can't remember anything after that until I was woken by paramedics.

The police asked if rather than the case going to prosecution, would I be willing for the assailant to go to anger management classes orcommunity service, which I agreed to because he was only young. I would rather the boy came out a better person than ending up in jail for the rest of his life. You don't know what people have gone through their whole life - he might be angry, he might have been abused. I would much rather try to help him than punish him. However, the police concluded that the evidential test had not been met and therefore the decision was no further action.

I have a huge scar on my head. He could kill someone next time. He must think, “I can go around on my bike in my balaclava and do what I want. I'm untouchable”. And then who else is he going to hurt?

Threshold is supporting me to write to the CPS to get my case to court. I said it would be a waste of time, but Helen encouraged me to fight it.

The way forward

I eventually want to get my own place and have the girls over, when I'm a bit better. But that's not my next step, it’s a way off. I want to get fixed and sort my life out first.

I want to stop drinking. I'd love nothing more than not to have a drink for the rest of my life.When I get my liver scan results back, they might act and I might finally get a detox.

Seeing the smiles on my kids’ faces gives me a reason to keep going. And things are good with the kids now. I had my girls at the weekend, girls, and my boy's back from the army and came out with us for a bit. We made a rope swing across the lake, went for something to eat and then I dropped the girls back. It was lovely. I get on well with my ex now too, it's just so much easier.

My hopes now are to sort out the drinking, try and get back to work and love myself a bit. If you can't love yourself, you can't love no one else. As long as I can put my head down at night knowing that I'm not a bad person seeing my children and trying to get myself better, then that's the goal.